04 Apr How To Handle The Fear of Disappointing Others
One incredibly important question that I get asked most often: How do I release my fear of disappointing others?
I’m no stranger to living in a constant state of feeling obligated to do everything and be everything for those around you. Because there is absolutely nothing worse than the feeling you get when you realize you’ve disappointed someone, right? Wrong.
Allowing yourself to be a slave to the needs, beliefs, and opinions of those around you means that you’re sacrificing your own way of living. You’re sacrificing your values. You’re leaving yourself behind. And that, sweet friend, is far, far worse.
Are you afraid of letting others down and disappointing them?
Maybe you feel trapped in a constant “yes” cycle and overcommit to everything because the thought of someone not being happy with you puts a pit in your stomach… but then your decisions end up causing you stress, anxiety, and worry.
Have you noticed that no matter how much you try to not disappoint the people in your life, it feels like it always happens anyway?
You’re not alone, friend. I have a constant fear of disappointing my family. Throughout the last several years of uncovering my true self through therapy, life coaching, and deep inner work, I have moved away from a lot of beliefs that were inherited through my family and my childhood story. I’ve recently realized that I rarely agree with their points of view and it’s scary to openly disagree with people you love because I fear their pending disappointment.
Here’s something I’ve learned – if you are staying true to your values and authenticity, it won’t always align with others. And guess what? That’s okay and it’s even expected. When you speak your mind, take care of yourself first and live according to your beliefs, you are going to upset people. It’s inevitable. That’s life.
But the bigger, deeper issue here is what’s underneath your fear of disappointing others. Where is that fear coming from? And more importantly, how would it feel to let go of your fear of disappointing and live boldly according to your own values?
Lately, I’ve been occupied with two businesses, home renovations, school and my mentorship program that I rarely have time for anything outside of that. And the days that I do have time, I am very careful with how I spend it and who I spend it with. This, of course, brings out my fear of disappointing others when I have to say no or reschedule our plans.
And then there is you, my dear friend and reader, that I fear letting down when I am not able to hold up to my bi-weekly email schedule. See? I too struggle with the underlying fear of falling short and feeling unworthy.
Here are some ways that we can ALL better handle the fear of disappointing others…
+ Do not make their disappointment your problem.
If they are upset with you, that might be an area they need to work on. Don’t let it be your problem.
+ Always stay true to your values.
Stay true to your values and you will always know you are coming from a place of love. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone.
+ Be authentic and transparent.
Don’t waver on who you are and what you believe in. Be transparent if you need to say “no” and don’t lie.
+ Breathe and relax.
If you feel anxious and stressed the best thing you can do for yourself is to slow down, breathe and just relax! Know that you are not alone.
We’re in this together and I believe that we’re all the better for it.